How to make a pinata

Last week, Jessi and Faith came to my house to make a bear pinata for Jeff's birthday. I provided the workspace and sweet tea and aprons and they descended upon it with crafts supplies and pizza.

And so we began the process of talking and crafting.

Step 1: Eat pizza. That's not pictured. Instead, here's a picture of Jessi with her special friend.

Step 2: Get yourself psyched up. This is how Jessi works.
Step 3: Rip up a bunch of newspapers.
Step 4: Blow a balloon.

Step 5: Write a special message.

Step 6: Document everything.
Step 7: Make paste.
Step 8: Dip those strips of newspapers in the paste and cover the balloon. We kept the balloon in place by situating it in a sundae cup.

Step 9: Accelerate the drying process with a fan.
Step 10: Make more paste and wash hands and continue the Very Important Documentation Process.
Like this.
And this.
Step 11: Admire our fantastic aprons and sit around while we wait for the mache to dry some more.

And yes, that is my Christmas tree you see on the far right. It's June. Why would I take it down now?!
Step 12: Check the clock and realize it's really time to accelerate the drying process.
Step 13: Work on a smaller balloon for the bear's head.
Step 14: Faith and I covered the bigger balloon with sheets of brown tissue paper. Then we ripped up more paper into smaller pieces, pinched the ends, and dipped the ends in glue and affixed them to the body.
While Jessi worked on the head and face.
Ta da! Google eyes, velcro, felt, a button, some tissue paper = bear face.
I drew paws on some construction paper and Jessi cut them out.
Step.....several dozen: we try to figure out how to turn 2 balloons into a pinata that resembles a teddy bear/where the parts will be stored/who will do what, etc.

It's not quite as intense as it looks in this picture.
Step Birthday: Faith superglued the head into a hole she'd cut in the top of the big balloon (body) and glued the paws to the front (I'm still sad we didn't have time to make a tail. Bear tails crack me up).

Then Jeff was surprised and ecstatic with his surprise:

And that! is how you make a pinata.

March book list

Chappell, Fred. I Am One of You Forever. Baton Rouge: Louisiana State Press, 1985.

Faludi, Susan. Backlash: The Undeclared War on American Women. New York: Crown, 1991.

I don't want to talk about it. Please just leave me to wallow in my shame and despair.

January Book List

Drabble, Margaret. The Pattern in the Carpet: A Personal History with Jigsaws. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2009.*

Grisham, John. The Firm. New York: Doubleday, 1991.*

Nichols, Sharon Eliza. I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar: A Collection of Egregious Errors, Disconcerting Bloopers, and Other Linguistic Slip-Ups. New York: St. Martha's Press, 2009.

Reed, Stanley. Oriental Rugs and Carpets. London: Octopus Books, 1972.

Shell, Ellen Ruppel. Cheap: The High Cost of Discount Culture. New York: Penguin, 2009.*

The Book List for 2009

Jennifer, 1985.

I like reading.

This is what I read this year:

Applehof, Mary. Worms Eat My Garbage. Kalamazoo: Flower Press, 2nd ed. 1997*

Beaujon, Andew. Body Piercing Saved My Life: Inside the Phenomenon of Christian Rock. Cambridge: Da Capo, 2006.*

Blake, William. The Marriage of Heaven and Hell. 1790. New York: Dover, 1994.

Buckley, Christopher. Boomsday. New York: Twelve, 2007.*

Byatt, A.S. A Whistling Woman. New York: Knopf, 2002.*

Capote, Truman. Breakfast at Tiffany's. 1958. New York: Modern Library, 1994.*

Chandler, Raymond. The Big Sleep. 1939. New York: Vintage Crime, 1992.*

Chanin, Natalie, with Stacie Stukin. Alabama Stitch Book: Projects and Stories Celebrating Hand-Sewing, Quilting, & Embroidery for Contemporary Sustainable Style. New York: Stewart, Tabori, & Channing, 2008.*

Chappell, Fred. Family Gathering. Baton Rouge: Louisiana State University Press, 2000.*

---. Wind Mountain. Baton Rouge: Louisiana State Press, 1979.*

Church, Francis Pharcellus. Yes, Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus. 1897. New York: Delacorte Press, 1992.

Crawford, Christine. Mommie Dearest. New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc., 1978.

DeLillo, Don. The Body Artist. New York: Scribner, 2001.*

The Tyral of Rebecca Nurse: Transcripts from the Salem Withcraft Trials of 1692. Compiled by Donald Daly. Salem: New England & Virginia Company/Nova Anglia Press.

Dietz, Laura. In the Tenth House. New York: Crown, 2007.*

Doyle, Sir Arthur Conan. The Complete Sherlock Holmes, Volume II. New York: Barnes & Noble Classics, 2003.

Eastoe, Jane and Sarah Gristwood. Fabulous Frocks. New York: Pavalion, 2008.*

Eugenides, Jeffrey. Middlesex. New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 2002.*

Fitzhugh, Louise. Harriet the Spy. 1969. New York: Dell.

Fowles, John. The French Lieutenant's Woman. Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1969.

Forster, E.M. Maurice. 1914. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, Inc. 1974.*

Gibran, Kahlil. The Prophet. 1923. New York: Knopf, 1972.

Goldsmith, Sheherazade, ed. A Slice of Organic Life. New York: DK Publishing, 2007*

Hamilton, John Maxwell. Cassanova Was a Book Lover: And Other Naked Truths and
Provocative Curiosities about the Writing, Selling, and Reading of Books. New York: Penguin.

Howe, Katherine. The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane. New York: Voice, 2009.

Joyce, Katherine. Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement. New York: Beacon Press, 2009.*

King, Samantha. Pink Ribbons, Inc.: Breast Cancer and the Politics of Philanthropy. Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2006.*

King, Stephen. The Stand. New York: Signet, 1990.

Kipinis, Laura. Against Love: A Polemic. New York: Vintage Books, 2008.*

L'Engle, Madeleine. Dragons in the Waters. New York: Fararr, Straus and Giroux, 1976.

---. The Love Letters. 1966. New York: Ballantine Books, 1983.

Lessing, Doris. Alfred and Emily. New York: HarperCollins, 2008.*

---. Briefing For a Descent Into Hell. New York: Bantam, 1973.

---. The Cleft. New York: HarperCollins, 2007.*

---. A Proper Marriage. 1966. London: Grafton, 1985.

Levine, Abby and Sarah Levine. Sometimes I Wish I Were Mindy. Middletown: Weekly Reader Books, 1986.

McCullers, Carson. The Member of the Wedding. 1946. Boston: Houghlin Mifflin Company. *

Moore, Alan. Watchmen. New York: DC Comics. 1987.

Nicholson, Joan. Creative Embroidery. New York: Sterling Publishing Co., 1960.*

Reich, Charles. The Greening of America. New York: Bantam, 1970.

Rice, Anne. Lasher. New York: Ballentine Books, 1995.

---. Pandora. New York: Ballantine, 1998.

---. The Queen of the Damned. New York: Ballentine Books, 1988.

Savage, Dan. Skipping Towards Gomorrah: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Pursuit of Happiness in America. New York: Dutton, 2002.*

Spade, Kate. Style. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2004.*

Stone, Brian, trans. Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. 1959. Middlesex: Penguin, 1972.

Tanenhaus, Sam. The Death of Conservatism. New York: Random House, 2009.*

Thomas, Scarlett. Going Out. New York: Anchor Books, 2002.*

Thomis, Malcolm. The Luddites: Machine-Breaking in Regency England. New York: Schocken Books, 1970.

Traig, Jennifer. Well Enough Alone: A Cultural History of My Hypochondria. New York: Riverheard Books, 2008.*

Truss, Lynn. Eats, Shoots & Leaves. New York: Gotham, 2003.*

Vowell, Sarah. The Wordy Shipmates. New York: Riverhead, 2008.*

Weir, Alison. Queen Isabella: Treachery, Adultery, and Murder in Medieval England. New York: Ballentine Books, 2005.

Woolf, Virginia. The Voyage Out. San Diego: HBJ. 1920.*

Weekend, ham, thanks, presents

I almost don't want to tell you about my fantastic weekend, or look at digital cameras online, or work on Christmas craft presents.

I want to leave this freezing office and crawl back into bed and subsist on a simple diet of oatmeal for the rest of my miserable days.

Wait. I just realized I haven't taken a decongestant.

Well!

And frankly, I don't think it would matter what kind of morning I was having, it would still be a pile of steaming stupid compared to the weekend.

The weekend was just that good.

It's true.

The whole family got together in Laine and Robert's new house and celebrated in fine style.

By "fine style," I mean with noise and laughter and too much food and presents.

Lots of standing in the way in the kitchen and catching up.

Lots of television.

Lots of presents.

Lots of picture-taking and playing with dogs.

We took several tours of the house and praised the paint, refinished floors, decorations, and Christmas tree.

And we ate.so.much.food.

Cody's Christmas bonus was a 17 lb. ham. We brought it. Laine cooked it. Cody carved it up like a champ.

Then the rest of us ate it for dinner.

And snacked on it.

And ate it in sandwiches the next day.

And we didn't cry when Levi went home.

And everyone loved their presents.

And we ate too much.

I know I keep mentioning that business about the eating. It bears repeating.

Oh man. Give me some fruit and water.

My head hurts.

Yes, my head hurts from all that ham.

That's enough whining, though. Let's get to business. That's right, the thank-you notes for my presents.

Here you guys go:

Dear Levi,
Thank you so much for my dustbuster! I'm really glad you let me pick it out, because that wet/dry function will most likely change my life. You're very thoughtful and I'm definitely going to charge it tonight and do a spiteful dance in front of my useless dustpan and broom. It's one of the best birthday presents ever!

Dear Rest of the Family,
Thank you for the gift card! I cannot wait to use it on a digital camera. You are helping me take one step closer to my ultimate goal of being a mommy blogger. * You are also helping me cut back on wasted time, money, and printing of less-than-awesome pictures because I can just delete the bad stuff off my camera right after taking a picture! Which means I probably won't be so uptight if you're not behaving the way I like when I'm trying to take a picture. Which means I will be slightly less obnoxious at picture-taking events now. And because all events are picture-taking events, I'm about to be happier all the time.

This may be even more life-changing than my dustbuster. You make me really happy to be born into this family. Thank you!

I seriously love my birthday presents because they're both day-to-day level things. Really big, really awesome, day-to-day level things that make me happy just to think about them.

And now, for the Christmas presents:

Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you for the notebook, the random antique milk bottle, the books from Erma Bombeck and Lewis Grizzard, rug, and little handy odds and ends. The milk bottle is already living on the coffee table like a Christmas decoration, and the books are on the shelf. Thanks for letting me pick out my notebook. I can't wait to use it, and I love all of my stuff!

Dear Robert,
I was really happy you drew my name in the gift exchange because I knew Laine would take care of you. Thank you very much for the yoga mat, blue Fiestaware plate that replaces the one Cody broke a few months ago, and....another notebook! I do love notebooks, and all of your gifts were eerily perfect. It's as if you eavesdropped on our daily email conversations or Laine bought the gifts herself or something. And now that I have a yoga mat, I may someday do some exercising! Love you, buddy.

Dear Levi,
Thanks for making the rest of us look like chumps by going the extra mile and getting us all presents! I know this will look insincere in print, but I really do love my #20 Joey Lagano die cast car. The only way it could be cooler was if it was a Home Depot wrap, but that's just because Home Depot is really cool. I tell anyone who will listen that you wrap tons of cars and that you know things about Game Stop sponserships and that you're really cool. I'm totally going to take that piece of paper to work tomorrow and register my car, which is currently displayed with pride on my dining room table. Right next to the dustbuster. Best brother ever.

Dear Sara and Chad,
Thanks for paying me back so promptly from when I bought Laine's presents for you. That check is about to be cashed and will be used to take care of the last little bit of Christmas shopping I have left. Superawesome! Thanks a bunch, guys. And Chad, thanks for graciously sharing your birthday festivities with Levi and me. Sorry about you being another December person in this family.

Dear Laine and Robert,
Thanks for graciously hosting family Christmas and December birthday party extravaganza 20 minutes after you moved in. We love your house, and I already think of it as party central. You have space, you have a yard, you are close to unbearably adorable cupcake stores. You're also superhospitable and awesome and we had a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful time.

I'm really sorry I didn't fight harder to keep the family home from church yesterday morning. Your attempt to use up some ham with beans and cornbread would have worked perfectly had the interim minister not preached 15 hours longer than expected. I hope the burnt bean smell dissipates soon. Superthanks to Robert for going out and buying more bread so we could have some ham sandwiches.

And thank you for letting me do my laundry in your new washer and dryer. They are beautiful.

I love my family. I love Christmas. I love ham and decongestants and presents and wrapping paper and dogs and pictures and weekends.

That is all.

Love,
Jen

*I'm not pregnant, nor do I have any plans to be, but I seriously love mommy bloggers because they have fantastic pictures. I want to be just like them when I grow up even if I never have kids.