I almost don't want to tell you about my fantastic weekend, or look at digital cameras online, or work on Christmas craft presents.
I want to leave this freezing office and crawl back into bed and subsist on a simple diet of oatmeal for the rest of my miserable days.
Wait. I just realized I haven't taken a decongestant.
And frankly, I don't think it would matter what kind of morning I was having, it would still be a pile of steaming stupid compared to the weekend.
The weekend was just that good.
The whole family got together in Laine and Robert's new house and celebrated in fine style.
By "fine style," I mean with noise and laughter and too much food and presents.
Lots of standing in the way in the kitchen and catching up.
Lots of television.
Lots of presents.
Lots of picture-taking and playing with dogs.
We took several tours of the house and praised the paint, refinished floors, decorations, and Christmas tree.
And we ate.so.much.food.
Cody's Christmas bonus was a 17 lb. ham. We brought it. Laine cooked it. Cody carved it up like a champ.
Then the rest of us ate it for dinner.
And snacked on it.
And ate it in sandwiches the next day.
And we didn't cry when Levi went home.
And everyone loved their presents.
And we ate too much.
I know I keep mentioning that business about the eating. It bears repeating.
Oh man. Give me some fruit and water.
My head hurts.
Yes, my head hurts from all that ham.
That's enough whining, though. Let's get to business. That's right, the thank-you notes for my presents.
Here you guys go:
Thank you so much for my dustbuster! I'm really glad you let me pick it out, because that wet/dry function will most likely change my life. You're very thoughtful and I'm definitely going to charge it tonight and do a spiteful dance in front of my useless dustpan and broom. It's one of the best birthday presents ever!
Dear Rest of the Family,
Thank you for the gift card! I cannot wait to use it on a digital camera. You are helping me take one step closer to my ultimate goal of being a mommy blogger. * You are also helping me cut back on wasted time, money, and printing of less-than-awesome pictures because I can just delete the bad stuff off my camera right after taking a picture! Which means I probably won't be so uptight if you're not behaving the way I like when I'm trying to take a picture. Which means I will be slightly less obnoxious at picture-taking events now. And because all events are picture-taking events, I'm about to be happier all the time.
This may be even more life-changing than my dustbuster. You make me really happy to be born into this family. Thank you!
I seriously love my birthday presents because they're both day-to-day level things. Really big, really awesome, day-to-day level things that make me happy just to think about them.
And now, for the Christmas presents:
Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you for the notebook, the random antique milk bottle, the books from Erma Bombeck and Lewis Grizzard, rug, and little handy odds and ends. The milk bottle is already living on the coffee table like a Christmas decoration, and the books are on the shelf. Thanks for letting me pick out my notebook. I can't wait to use it, and I love all of my stuff!
I was really happy you drew my name in the gift exchange because I knew Laine would take care of you. Thank you very much for the yoga mat, blue Fiestaware plate that replaces the one Cody broke a few months ago, and....another notebook! I do love notebooks, and all of your gifts were eerily perfect. It's as if you eavesdropped on our daily email conversations or Laine bought the gifts herself or something. And now that I have a yoga mat, I may someday do some exercising! Love you, buddy.
Thanks for making the rest of us look like chumps by going the extra mile and getting us all presents! I know this will look insincere in print, but I really do love my #20 Joey Lagano die cast car. The only way it could be cooler was if it was a Home Depot wrap, but that's just because Home Depot is really cool. I tell anyone who will listen that you wrap tons of cars and that you know things about Game Stop sponserships and that you're really cool. I'm totally going to take that piece of paper to work tomorrow and register my car, which is currently displayed with pride on my dining room table. Right next to the dustbuster. Best brother ever.
Dear Sara and Chad,
Thanks for paying me back so promptly from when I bought Laine's presents for you. That check is about to be cashed and will be used to take care of the last little bit of Christmas shopping I have left. Superawesome! Thanks a bunch, guys. And Chad, thanks for graciously sharing your birthday festivities with Levi and me. Sorry about you being another December person in this family.
Dear Laine and Robert,
Thanks for graciously hosting family Christmas and December birthday party extravaganza 20 minutes after you moved in. We love your house, and I already think of it as party central. You have space, you have a yard, you are close to unbearably adorable cupcake stores. You're also superhospitable and awesome and we had a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful time.
I'm really sorry I didn't fight harder to keep the family home from church yesterday morning. Your attempt to use up some ham with beans and cornbread would have worked perfectly had the interim minister not preached 15 hours longer than expected. I hope the burnt bean smell dissipates soon. Superthanks to Robert for going out and buying more bread so we could have some ham sandwiches.
And thank you for letting me do my laundry in your new washer and dryer. They are beautiful.
I love my family. I love Christmas. I love ham and decongestants and presents and wrapping paper and dogs and pictures and weekends.
That is all.
*I'm not pregnant, nor do I have any plans to be, but I seriously love mommy bloggers because they have fantastic pictures. I want to be just like them when I grow up even if I never have kids.