Book List for September 2013

The Fallen. Dale Bailey.
Total Money Makeover. Dave Ramsey.*

Reading List for July

Fforde, Jasper. The Woman Who Died a Lot.*

Martin, George R. R. A Dance with Dragons (Song of Fire and Ice: Book 5).

I'm currently rereading The World Without Us and The Historian.

Evelyn June thinks she's big

I love when people ask me about Evelyn.  I'm just a really proud mom.  Even when she's hitting the not-so-pleasant milestones like saying 'no' to everything, or getting defiant about boundaries, or wanting to watch the same cartoon DVD 4 times in a row, I can feel confident that she's doing it on time.  But mostly I just tell people, "She's so big!"

I think she's a big girl.  She used to be tiny enough to sleep in my lap and curl around my belly.  Now she sits in my lap and her head blocks my view.

People laugh at me a little.  Some of them even look a little concerned about my delusions.  "That's not big," they say sadly.

Whatever.

I've been telling her "You're so big and strong!" before I even knew if she was a boy or a girl.  I knew any child of Cody's might be a bit too large for some people's approval, and I wanted 'it' to know I was going to celebrate being big and strong.  I also knew any child of mine could be small, and endure all the 'lighthearted' teasing and dismissals that come with it.  I knew I wanted that little fetus to be big and strong.  I grew bigger every day and every day I'd tell my belly "Way to go!  You're so big and strong!"  Then she was born and she was a pretty regular size, but still very strong.  We saw no need to stop telling her to be big and strong.

She lifts things.  She wants to move furniture.  She carries heavy books and toys that are supposed to stay on the floor.  She climbs and runs and spins.  You'd think the shine would wear off at some point, but I'm completely blown away at her amazing health and strong little body.  It's so fantastic and strong and whole.  I didn't know a small person could do so much.  I didn't know a small person would want to try to literally climb walls or chase animals for long distances.

Someday, we might have to let Evelyn know that she's not really flying when we swing her through the air. Someday we may even have to break it to her that she probably can't be a superhero because we're not cut out to be the parents of a crime fighter.

I never want to stop telling her that she's big and strong.  I pray (with a tone of defeat already in my voice) that she'll never ask me to stop saying that, or that she won't want to be 'big' because that's not what women want.  I don't want her to ever feel like she should downplay her strength.  I want her to love her body for being exactly what it is--a miraculous creation that grew and grew and changed and adapted and helped her do all the things she wanted to do.   It's beautiful.  She's beautiful.  She's mighty.

 She's big and strong.

Book list for 2012!

Here it is!  I love my book lists.  Even if this past year wasn't very impressive in terms of reading, it was enjoyable.  I read through the entire Wallander series with the exception of one collection of stories, but that's because they haven't been translated to English.  I read The Hunger Games trilogy, and all but one of the Game of Thrones books.

Yes, I know the fifth book is out now.  No, I don't know if I'm up for it yet.

I'm not sure if I'll go through the Lemony Snicket series, but maybe I will.

I can't believe I only read one volume of Adrienne Rich's poetry this year.  I haven't read through all of her poetry in the library, but I think I'm getting close.  She died this year (I think it was on Cody's birthday), and I re-read Diving Into the Wreck because it's the only collection of hers that I own.  I bought it on sale at Hastings or Books-A-Million when I was 16 or so, and the whole thing was so 1970s Feminist Lesbian Poet Talking About Age and Science and Society.  I loved it.  I'm not the biggest poetry person, but I liked her and I still do.  I thought about writing a post about her, but I didn't know what else to say other than what I just typed there.

Orlando is still my favorite Virginia Woolf book.

Concerning Dissent and Civil Disobedience didn't give me as much to think about as I thought it would, and One Thousand Gifts gave me more to think about than I thought it would.

Craft Activism inspired me.

Everything else was like junk food for my soul and I stayed up way too late on way too many nights tearing through it.  It was great.


Adams, Douglas. Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency.
--. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
--. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
Collins, Suzanne. Catching Fire.
--. The Hunger Games.
--. Mockingjay.
Fortas, Abe. Concerning Dissent and Civil Disobedience.
Mankell, Henning. Before the Frost.*
--. Dogs of Riga.*
--. Faceless Killers.*
--. The Fifth Woman.*
--. Firewall.*
--. The Man Who Smiled.*
--. The Pyramid: The First Wallander Cases.*
--. Sidetracked.*
--. The Troubled Man.*
--. The White Lioness.
Martin, George R. R. A Clash of Kings.
--. A Feast for Crows.
--. A Game of Thrones.
--. A Storm of Swords.
Rich, Adrienne. Diving into the Wreck: Poems 1971-1972.
Snicket, Lemony. The Reptile Room: A Series of Unfortunate Events Book #2.*
--. A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Bad Beginning.*
Stewart, Trenton Lee. The Mysterious Benedict Society.*
Tapper, Joan and Gale Zucker. Craft Activism: People, Ideas, and Projects from the New Community of Handmade and How You Can Join In.
Voskamp, Anne. One Thousand Gifts.
Woolf, Virginia. Orlando.

Part of me wants to vow to read more 'serious' books.  Books about the subtext and contextual clues about societal ills in our modern adaptations of folklore, or about early childhood brain development.  Maybe something about purposeful living and overly earnest DIY lifehacks.  But there is that fifth Game of Thrones book out, and I had so much fun last year.  I'd like to re-read The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova yet again, and maybe Possession by A.S. Byatt (I think it's the only book of hers I've read that has a happy ending) because I enjoy them so  much.  So I'll try to read a few more books with a focus on learning this year, but overall, I just want to enjoy the reading.

I can't wait.

This is your life and there is stuff in it

When Jessi and I were driving through mountains the other weekend, we did a lot of talking.  This is hardly a big announcement because we normally do a lot of talking when we're together, but since it was just the two of us with hours of time ahead we got to do a lot of talking about a lot of topics we don't normally throw out when we're eating and entertaining Evelyn.

We've both got a lot of changes going on right now, and the upheaval feels good.  As a result, this theme kept cropping up:

Via Holstee.

She's recently moved closer to her family to help her parents with their health issues.  It's difficult, but she feels more at peace because she's not away and worrying about them.  I've been trying new things and it intimidates me way more than I'm comfortable talking about, but I like trusting my abilities and learning new skills.  We like getting invested in things and caring about politics and trying new stuff and watching things constantly change.  We also like figuring out how we'd run everyone else's lives, but hey.

I spent a lot of the weekend thinking about that Calvin and Hobbes strip where they say that tomorrow they'll seize the day--and then throttle it.  I love when that feeling hits.  It doesn't happen very often, but I try to take advantage of it when it does.

The last few months have been awesome.  I'm past the teenage fear and cynicism, the college student fear and exhaustion and cynicism, and--most recently--the soul-crushing exhaustion and paranoia that comes with caring for a little baby.  Evelyn's a lot more chilled out now, and I'm feeling comfortable in my work, and things are just good.  I'm rested and calm enough to where I can step back and say "Look at this great family I have that can help me!  They don't try to take her away if I don't clean the toilet often enough.  This apartment really is pretty comfortable if I don't have magazines around me!  Life is so awesome now that I don't have to wash so many burp rags and bottles!  Let's make some stuff and put the pictures online!"

This is what I'm like when I'm happy and this is what it's like in my head and notebooks.  (Yes, notebooks. Plural.)

Stuff like this inspires me.

And so does this.

And so does this:

And this:

And at least a hundred different things.

I really love finding out what makes people happy.  Cody, quiet man that he is, comes home from cooking all day to cook even more or look up recipes online or read a cookbook all the way through. He reads books and blogs and talks to people so he can be a better dad.  It's awesome to watch people talk about the extra things they make space for in their lives.  Even if they're not exclaiming "I love knitting/cooking/taking on extra reading/my side job!", you can just tell when people have some extra happiness and satisfaction from doing what they love even if they don't get to do it all the time.

I've wanted to write about how I feel for a while, but it's hard to describe.  I'm happy and I want to do stuff. I want you to do stuff.  If you're not happy, you should really do some stuff.  Seriously, this is pretty much how I want to approach life: with an unflagging desire to do stuff.

It's not always how I really do approach life, but it's nice to have goals.  It's how I want Evelyn to see me, so I may as well get a start on faking it in front of her.

I'm about to go back to work full-time.  I've been home with Evelyn on weekdays, in some capacity, since August 2011.  We need the money, and I know Evelyn's in excellent hands, but I'm already counting down the days until I can go back to part-time.  It's a long ways off.  It's going to be much more difficult for me to work on side projects and put on a happy face when I'll be working every day, and most likely staying late.  But it kind of doesn't matter.  Actually, it doesn't matter at all.  This is my life and, more importantly, this is our family's life.  I don't get to take breaks.  For some strange reason, I'm glad about that.  I'm thrilled for the time we've had together.  We'll be just fine in the coming months.  They'll be full of stuff to do.

I'm ready.