Friday, November 16, 2012

This is your life and there is stuff in it

When Jessi and I were driving through mountains the other weekend, we did a lot of talking.  This is hardly a big announcement because we normally do a lot of talking when we're together, but since it was just the two of us with hours of time ahead we got to do a lot of talking about a lot of topics we don't normally throw out when we're eating and entertaining Evelyn.

We've both got a lot of changes going on right now, and the upheaval feels good.  As a result, this theme kept cropping up:

Via Holstee.

She's recently moved closer to her family to help her parents with their health issues.  It's difficult, but she feels more at peace because she's not away and worrying about them.  I've been trying new things and it intimidates me way more than I'm comfortable talking about, but I like trusting my abilities and learning new skills.  We like getting invested in things and caring about politics and trying new stuff and watching things constantly change.  We also like figuring out how we'd run everyone else's lives, but hey.

I spent a lot of the weekend thinking about that Calvin and Hobbes strip where they say that tomorrow they'll seize the day--and then throttle it.  I love when that feeling hits.  It doesn't happen very often, but I try to take advantage of it when it does.

The last few months have been awesome.  I'm past the teenage fear and cynicism, the college student fear and exhaustion and cynicism, and--most recently--the soul-crushing exhaustion and paranoia that comes with caring for a little baby.  Evelyn's a lot more chilled out now, and I'm feeling comfortable in my work, and things are just good.  I'm rested and calm enough to where I can step back and say "Look at this great family I have that can help me!  They don't try to take her away if I don't clean the toilet often enough.  This apartment really is pretty comfortable if I don't have magazines around me!  Life is so awesome now that I don't have to wash so many burp rags and bottles!  Let's make some stuff and put the pictures online!"

This is what I'm like when I'm happy and this is what it's like in my head and notebooks.  (Yes, notebooks. Plural.)

Stuff like this inspires me.

And so does this.

And so does this:

And this:

And at least a hundred different things.

I really love finding out what makes people happy.  Cody, quiet man that he is, comes home from cooking all day to cook even more or look up recipes online or read a cookbook all the way through. He reads books and blogs and talks to people so he can be a better dad.  It's awesome to watch people talk about the extra things they make space for in their lives.  Even if they're not exclaiming "I love knitting/cooking/taking on extra reading/my side job!", you can just tell when people have some extra happiness and satisfaction from doing what they love even if they don't get to do it all the time.

I've wanted to write about how I feel for a while, but it's hard to describe.  I'm happy and I want to do stuff. I want you to do stuff.  If you're not happy, you should really do some stuff.  Seriously, this is pretty much how I want to approach life: with an unflagging desire to do stuff.

It's not always how I really do approach life, but it's nice to have goals.  It's how I want Evelyn to see me, so I may as well get a start on faking it in front of her.

I'm about to go back to work full-time.  I've been home with Evelyn on weekdays, in some capacity, since August 2011.  We need the money, and I know Evelyn's in excellent hands, but I'm already counting down the days until I can go back to part-time.  It's a long ways off.  It's going to be much more difficult for me to work on side projects and put on a happy face when I'll be working every day, and most likely staying late.  But it kind of doesn't matter.  Actually, it doesn't matter at all.  This is my life and, more importantly, this is our family's life.  I don't get to take breaks.  For some strange reason, I'm glad about that.  I'm thrilled for the time we've had together.  We'll be just fine in the coming months.  They'll be full of stuff to do.

I'm ready.