"We have now found the playground and established that flamingos are Fancy Nancy birds."
And with that text, Cody pretty much drove a truck over my emotions.
He was trying to be nice. He sent me two pictures--one of Evelyn running somewhere and one of her looking at a lizard or something--and let me know how they were progressing through the zoo earlier this week.
I should have been with them. I wanted to be with them.
I have around 8 weeks of leave stockpiled for what? A vacation I can't afford? A baby I'm not going to have? I certainly don't plan on recovering from a surgery any time soon.
I'm working a lot right now because there is a lot of work to do. I take pride in my work and I want to take care of my family. And my slightly obsessive nature has served me well at this job. I'm nearly always there. I don't take vacations, I don't get sick much, and I don't just take days off just because. I feel strange taking time off when Cody is already home. We have 1 income and I feel guilty taking vacation days even though it's not as if I could just cash them in some time.
I kind of don't know how to relax and have fun, even for an afternoon, when I feel strange having fun when I feel like I should always be planning how to stretch out our money, make more money at my side job, furrowing my brow just for the sake of doing it because every time I relax there's a car accident or something.
But I want a day to to Hot Springs. We can eat pancakes, visit babies, look at fountains, buy yarn.
I want to go to the Ozark Folk Center in the fall.
I want to go to Miami.
I want to go to the Memphis Zoo. And buy yarn.
I want to remember the free day for the Museum of Discovery and take my kid myself.
I'm tired of waiting.
I will wait, but only for a little while longer. My girl needs adventure, and so do I.