Thursday, August 22, 2013

I just want to take care of my girl. And have a good time doing it.

"We have now found the playground and established that flamingos are Fancy Nancy birds."

And with that text, Cody pretty much drove a truck over my emotions. 

He was trying to be nice.  He sent me two pictures--one of Evelyn running somewhere and one of her looking at a lizard or something--and let me know how they were progressing through the zoo earlier this week.

I should have been with them.  I wanted to be with them.

I have around 8 weeks of leave stockpiled for what?  A vacation I can't afford?  A baby I'm not going to have?  I certainly don't plan on recovering from a surgery any time soon.

I'm working a lot right now because there is a lot of work to do.  I take pride in my work and I want to take care of my family.  And my slightly obsessive nature has served me well at this job.  I'm nearly always there.  I don't take vacations, I don't get sick much, and I don't just take days off just because.  I feel strange taking time off when Cody is already home.  We have 1 income and I feel guilty taking vacation days even though it's not as if I could just cash them in some time. 

I kind of don't know how to relax and have fun, even for an afternoon, when I feel strange having fun when I feel like I should always be planning how to stretch out our money, make more money at my side job, furrowing my brow just for the sake of doing it because every time I relax there's a car accident or something.

But I want a day to to Hot Springs.  We can eat pancakes, visit babies, look at fountains, buy yarn.

I want to go to the Ozark Folk Center in the fall. 

I want to go to Miami.

I want to go to the Memphis Zoo.  And buy yarn.

I want to remember the free day for the Museum of Discovery and take my kid myself.

I'm tired of waiting.

I will wait, but only for a little while longer.  My girl needs adventure, and so do I.



Amber said...

Thomas made me quit working on the house and so we all went to dig for diamonds. It was great, and the kids were wonderful. I made up my mind that I would not obsess over everything that wasn't getting done that day. I didn't. My point is, that life does get pretty dull if you don't take some time with your kids. One income really stinks, but it is only for a season. As is, your girl's babyhood. Enjoy her. And keep making lots of posts about your adventures. Maybe if we read each other's we will feel like we have gone more places! :-)

Amber said...

Seriously, I need to proofread the comments I leave on your blog better. Ugh!

Jen said...

Ha, just blame the tick like you said! But thanks. Every now and then I get frustrated with life. It happens. And then it fades. There will be days off within the next month--I hope. And I'm going to enjoy the mess out of them!