Thursday, August 22, 2013

I just want to take care of my girl. And have a good time doing it.

"We have now found the playground and established that flamingos are Fancy Nancy birds."

And with that text, Cody pretty much drove a truck over my emotions. 

He was trying to be nice.  He sent me two pictures--one of Evelyn running somewhere and one of her looking at a lizard or something--and let me know how they were progressing through the zoo earlier this week.

I should have been with them.  I wanted to be with them.

I have around 8 weeks of leave stockpiled for what?  A vacation I can't afford?  A baby I'm not going to have?  I certainly don't plan on recovering from a surgery any time soon.

I'm working a lot right now because there is a lot of work to do.  I take pride in my work and I want to take care of my family.  And my slightly obsessive nature has served me well at this job.  I'm nearly always there.  I don't take vacations, I don't get sick much, and I don't just take days off just because.  I feel strange taking time off when Cody is already home.  We have 1 income and I feel guilty taking vacation days even though it's not as if I could just cash them in some time. 

I kind of don't know how to relax and have fun, even for an afternoon, when I feel strange having fun when I feel like I should always be planning how to stretch out our money, make more money at my side job, furrowing my brow just for the sake of doing it because every time I relax there's a car accident or something.

But I want a day to to Hot Springs.  We can eat pancakes, visit babies, look at fountains, buy yarn.

I want to go to the Ozark Folk Center in the fall. 

I want to go to Miami.

I want to go to the Memphis Zoo.  And buy yarn.

I want to remember the free day for the Museum of Discovery and take my kid myself.

I'm tired of waiting.

I will wait, but only for a little while longer.  My girl needs adventure, and so do I.

Soon.

3 comments:

Amber said...

Thomas made me quit working on the house and so we all went to dig for diamonds. It was great, and the kids were wonderful. I made up my mind that I would not obsess over everything that wasn't getting done that day. I didn't. My point is, that life does get pretty dull if you don't take some time with your kids. One income really stinks, but it is only for a season. As is, your girl's babyhood. Enjoy her. And keep making lots of posts about your adventures. Maybe if we read each other's we will feel like we have gone more places! :-)

Amber said...

Seriously, I need to proofread the comments I leave on your blog better. Ugh!

Jen said...

Ha, just blame the tick like you said! But thanks. Every now and then I get frustrated with life. It happens. And then it fades. There will be days off within the next month--I hope. And I'm going to enjoy the mess out of them!