Oh my goodness, I thought Friday would never get here. I went from waking up terrified on Tuesday that it was just around the corner, to just about begging clocks to get a move on.
Yes, today is payday. Why do you ask?
I haven't seen Evelyn since midnight on very early Thursday morning, when she woke up crying. She laughed a little in satisfaction when I opened her bedroom door and we sat in the recliner for a while. She hasn't felt well for the past couple of weeks. Those two weeks of various ailments have coincided perfectly with me working full-time again. She typically likes to be at her clingiest when I'm at my most tired and stressed. We've both kind of been turds about it, me probably more than her.
Which is why I kind of felt bad about having so much fun Wednesday evening when Cody took her to her Gram's house to play. I put on pajama pants and sat on the couch for some knitting and Julie & Julia. Naturally, I got bored and lonely after an hour so and had to entertain myself a little while longer because they were having such a fabulous time without me and I knew I was going to miss her on Thursday and Friday.
Of course there's a but. But I'm tired. I've been getting up early, and sometimes staying up late, to spend time on my second job or holiday knitting or just cleaning up our destroyed kitchen. I just need to come home sometimes and veg out on the couch. To feel like I'm at home, and not smack in the middle of Evelyn's Play Room That Provides Constant Instruction and Entertainment. I can do a truly impressive amount of stuff with thirty minutes of babyfree time. And as much as I try to remind myself "Your child is not a hindrance to doing things. Just fit in other stuff while you take care of her" (it's my mantra. I have one of those. Did you know that? Surprisingly, it's not "Oh, screw that!"), I get tired. I want to do other stuff. I'm not sick enough to use an inhaler or take a lot of medicine, but I haven't felt well. And it kills me to see Cody go to the bathroom any time he wants, or to move freely around the kitchen, or to even sit on the couch and read a few pages of a book without her screeching for attention.
So I absolutely loved my two hours of cleaning and dishwasher unloading and baby clothes-packing and knitting. They were quiet and peaceful and at my own rate and I was totally in a happy place so that I could be a book-reading fiend when my happy little creature came home.
I feel like I should follow up every "I'm tired" statement with a whole paragraph about how Evelyn's great. I'm a mom and I realize it's a special bond and Evelyn is the best and screechiest part of my life and blah blah blah. It's my blog, okay? I don't have to qualify my feelings. If you've ever read anything I've ever written in the past couple of years, you know that I enjoy that little girl to the fullest. But I am tired. And I am happy that she is having an amazing time with my parents, just like I'm happy I had an amazing time last night with Cody. We took an impromptu trip to Michaels and Target, we ate food on the couch, and we went to bed when we felt like it. We didn't quite wake up when we felt like it, but we didn't have to creep quietly around the apartment this morning either--which was too bad, because Cody left the bedroom door open and turned on a bunch of lights before I was anywhere near ready to wake up but whatever.
As happy as I'm going to be to see her Saturday, I'm also looking forward to tonight. I'm going to do a lot of Christmas shopping without worrying about getting home in time to have enough baby interaction before it's time for bed. I'm going to knit and eat leftovers on the couch, maybe even while watching television without worrying about violence or the corrupting influence of commercials.
As for the Christmas shopping we did last night, and the stuff I plan to be knitting tonight? Stuff for Evelyn. Go figure.
It's finally Friday and tomorrow I get to watch my brother-in-law graduate from nursing school, and I get to entertain my baby through the ceremony. I kind of can't wait.