Monday, December 19, 2011


Cheesecake and coffee in a wine bar, Saturday night.

I had a birthday over the weekend and now I'm just one year from my 30s.

It feels good to be older.  I like who I am and I feel okay about who I'm becoming.

I know I can grow a baby.  I can keep that baby alive and entertained.  I can teach her things.  She responds to the tone of my voice and the look on my face.  I have people who know how special this girl is and who help me and support me in raising her.  I have a life partner who is better and funnier and smarter and kinder than I'd ever dared hope for.  I have a job, and interesting hobbies, and a raging caffeine addiction.

I'm not embarrassed by my terrible taste in music.  I smile politely when strangers give unsolicited baby advice that usually doesn't apply to our situation.  I am paying down debts and attempting to cut back on impulse spending.  I can occasionally be a good listener to a friend.  After 4 months or so, I learned to handle the work/life balance.  I still love being really, really mean.  I am the blessed recipient of Evelyn's biggest smiles. I stayed home from work Thursday and let Cody sleep in. He told me I was the best wife ever.  I'm not feeling like we have to anxiously buy a lot of things in order for people to know we're excited about Evelyn's first Christmas.

 I thought I was mellowing with age.  Cody thinks having a baby made me give even less of a flip about things than usual.  I don't give a flip about which it is.

I can cut my own hair.

I can knit more than a scarf.

In the past week, I have pulled a nickel, a push pin, and several socks out of Evelyn's mouth.

I haven't printed photos in about 3 months and I'm not even bothered that I don't know when I'll do that.

I love The Good Wife and Masterpiece.

I'm learning to let go of things that aren't worth my time and effort, and to take on new challenges because I can trust my abilities.  

You know, just the growing and changing stuff you do every now and then.

On my birthday, I got up twice in the night with Evelyn, made a pot of coffee, washed 5 loads of laundry, walked across the Main Street bridge for a gyro, saw the sights of downtown with my baby, took a trolley ride home, ate lunch with Mom and Levi, did some Christmas shopping, visited with Dad, put away those 5 loads of laundry, went on a date with Cody while Casey watched Evelyn, and then comforted Evelyn to sleep when a full day with only an hour's worth of naps caught up to her and she had a screaming meltdown for her uncle.

Cody and I watched, well, some Masterpiece Mystery on DVD and were in bed before 11.  Then he was in charge of getting up with Evelyn, and I slept the sleep of someone who walked over a mile in inappropriate footwear and forgot her daily Mountain Dew.

It was a good birthday.

29 is a good age.

Evelyn partied with me all day.
This is where I'm at right now.  It feels like a really, really good place to be.


Anonymous said...

You sound so very zen about things. Happy birthday!

Jen said...

Ugh, thank you--I was afraid it sounded smug! Evelyn slept through the night last night and we're nearly finished with Christmas shopping. As a result, I have smugness visibly radiating off of me in giant, self-satisfied waves.

Laine said...

Glad you had such a nice birthday-day!

P.S. Evelyn looks all Sara-like again in that last picture.