Friday, February 18, 2011

Funny list: the pre-baby edition

I haven't done a funny list in quite a while, even though I've been compiling funny things (as best as I can remember them, anyway) for a long time.  I noticed most of them were about pregnancy, so I'm going ahead and giving you a funny (to me) post all about this adventure.

Have a good weekend!

Pregnancy Discovery Week
Cody: You don't seem very excited.
Jen: I'm excited. I've already started making squares for a small afghan.

 Apparently no one is as excited as Cody (at 7 weeks)--not even for doctor's appointments
Cody [laughing]: What?! There's going to be a heartbeat?! And I get to go with you?! This is so exciting! It's like an adventure and I don't know what's going to happen next!

I worried a lot
Jen: If I can get to 12-14 weeks, everything should be fine. Not like "Let's have a beer and go on a rollercoaster" kind of a thing, but fine.
Cody: That's a very good way of putting it.
Jen: Thanks.  Have you ever been a roller coaster?
Cody: I don't like them.

Before we knew, part 1
Cody: I don't care if it's a boy or a girl.  I just want it to be healthy.  And cute.  All of its life.

Before we knew, part 2
Cody: I don't think I could handle a girl.
Jen: I don't think you could either.

Before we knew, part 3
Jen: I've always said you shouldn't have a daughter. You'd be ready to stand firm and say "no" to something, and the next thing you know, you're firmly loading a pony into the back of your Saturn. Only now it's a Fit.
Cody: No, I can't handle ponies.

At the doctor
Jen: My legs ache in here, and it's almost like it's from exercise, like lunges. But I know that's--
Cody [laughing]: No, that can't be it.

Fine, they didn't fit before
Jen: Say goodbye to these pants.
Cody: Goodbye, pants.

Sara's birthday, part 1
Jen: I'd be 9 weeks this weekend, and the family would all be together, but I don't want to steal Sara's thunder on her birthday.
Cody: I could do it!

Sara's birthday, part 2: The fifteenth pregnant woman walked out of the Olive Garden
Jen: Oh man, you guys.....
Sara: Don't worry, there won't be any announcements tonight.
Jen: [avoids eye contact with Cody]

I saw a car commercial at 9 weeks
Jen: Oh man! Who's going to teach it to drive?!
Cody: I will.
Jen: You're a horrible driver.
Cody: Levi.
Jen: Good. Okay. I'm glad that's settled.
Cody: If he's available.
Jen: Levi will travel to teach someone how to drive.

Telling people

Momentous and important announcements are met with solemnity and reverence
Jen:  I'm 10 weeks pregnant.
Levi: Are you serious?
Jen: Why would I joke about this?
Levi: Good point.

Of course, of course
Levi: I will buy the stroller. Because it has wheels!

How to make Levi cry
Mom: I thought Chad and Sara would be first!
Sara: I did too, honestly. It didn't seem like you guys were getting with it!
Cody: Oh, we were getting--
Sara: Stop.
Laine: Stop.

He was so abrupt even I was startled by the announcement
Jen: Is that the picture of the boys at the parade?  It's so cute!
Dicy: Weren't they sweet?
Jen: Superadorable.
Cody: Speaking of babies, Jen's pregnant.
Dicy: Oh my gosh, I knew it!  Congratulations!  [hugs both Jen and Cody]  I thought something was up when she didn't want meatloaf last week.
I'm really just doing this for you guys
Jarrett: This news could not have come at a better time.  I was having a really bad day and then I saw the text from you and I was like, "Wow!  Jen's having a baby!  This is awesome!" so thanks.
Jen: I do what I can.
Jarrett: Way to deliver.

Good news travels fast
Jen: Your mom sent me the sweetest card!  Which one of y'all told her I was pregnant?
Jeff: Oh, I called her as soon as I got off the phone with Cody.  She's really excited.


We're raising her right!
Cody: What kind of music do you want the baby to listen to?
Jen: I know we're supposed to do classical for brain development or whatever, but it makes me nervous! It's too intense! I like Bach and Vivaldi and Wagner--
Cody: No. No Vivaldi or Wagner. They make me nervous.
Jen: Okay, George Strait and Reba.
Cody: Sounds good.

15 minutes after he mentioned throwing lit cigarette butts at a stray cat in the neighborhood ....
Casey: I heard the first few months are the best.  New babies sleep all the time.  Like, 18 hours a day.  They're like cats.

Neither of us miss the first trimester
Jen: Hey Cody, wake up!  Let's go to the Rivermarket and eat gyros!  Doesn't that sound fun?
Cody: What time is it?  
Jen: 8:30.  So it's not hot outside yet.  Let's go!

Robert's love of pregnant women (and this family) diminishes
Laine: Hey Jen, show Robert your belly button.
Robert: I hadn't really seen it before....
Sara: Do you want me to show you my belly, too?

Saved by the surprisingly loud ringtone of hardcore rapping
Casey: It's, like, some hospital where you go to die.  Like Baptist.
Jen: I'm having the baby at Baptist.
Casey: Well, I mean.....[phone rings]

Watching some eleven-year-old girl at the Super Bowl
Person 1: You'd think she'd have done something with her hair.
Person 2: And those braces!
Person 3: She could lose some weight.
Jen: I'm really excited about having a daughter.  Being a girl is awesome.
Jessi: Don't listen, tiny girl!  Don't listen!

That's cool
Dad: And then I'm going to 'stop in' at your shower and see what all the baby gotWhen are we going to get some dresses with bows I can tie!? 

I think I appreciate the enthusiasm.  I also think Brad does not.
Jeff: I want her to call me Uncle Jeff!  And I want her to call Brad 'Uncle Jeff's partner.'

You know how girls are about clothes
Sara: Do you want to borrow my business sweat pants?
Jen: What will you wear if I have the business sweat pants?
Sara: I don't really know, but I knew you'd return them.

I am a jerk and this has been awesome
Jen: Good luck moving!  I would help, but my upper body strength sucks and all I'd be good for is holding open doors.
Casey: You're pregnant, you can't do anything.
Jen: I know--it's great!  It's the best excuse for everything!  I'm going to do this all the time now!  You guys have fun!
Cody and Casey: [move furniture out of Casey's apartment, down some stairs, across town, and up more stairs
Jen: [sleeps on the couch for 2 hours]

I love when people wonder why I'm this way
Person: [baby advice]
Mom: [laughter]

I really am pretty active, I promise
Jen: So Isaac was telling me I could do things to speed this up.  Like vigorous exercise.  And I laughed.
Cody: Yeah, that is funny.
Jen: Vigorous.  Ha.

The man loves Kathy Lee and Hoda.  Mostly just Hoda, though
Jen: When I go on maternity leave, do we have to watch Kathy Lee and Hoda every morning?
Cody: Well, I mean, I was hoping you'd feel like you get to watch Kathy Lee and Hoda every morning....

We enjoy playing with baby gear
Mom: How is this supposed to work?
Sara: Hold on, I'm reading the book.  Okay, drape both ends like this.....don't drop the baby doll!
Jen: I think the bottom part is supposed to be up higher.
Laine: The baby doll is too little.
Mom: Oh brother.
Dad: What is this again?
Laine: I think something went wrong.
Jen: We'll practice some more.
Cody: Yeah....


Alana said...

Ahhh! These posts are my favorites! P.S. You can't go wrong with Reba!

Anonymous said...

Love these!